like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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