I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
