Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
