Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
