some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
