take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
