the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
