K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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