my shit smells like andre
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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