I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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