Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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