Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
