and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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