I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
