just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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