those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
