so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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