It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
