One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
