dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
