Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
