She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
