She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
