Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
