Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
two words: eviction party
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
