Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
