I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
