As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
