she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
