My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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