I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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