Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
