i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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