Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
