He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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