Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
