I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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