at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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