omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
