im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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