i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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