she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
