he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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