the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
