Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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