he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
