He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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