I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
