i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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