This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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