Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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