i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
