You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
