I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
being pregnant is like rehab
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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